Hospitality: Don't Ignore the Urge

Weekly column

Last Spring, we got some new neighbors, a sweet newlywed couple we had known for a long time who would now be living right across the street. I was so excited. Every time I saw the couple before the wedding, we’d talk about them coming over right after the honeymoon and how great it would be to have them so close.

Then I blinked and six months went by. Half a year later and we had not had them for dinner, not one time.

At a wedding reception recently, Paul and I were chatting with the couple, bemoaning the fact that we had been such poor neighbors. Yes we had seen them in passing, hung out on their front porch here and there, but I had yet to make the effort to invite them for dinner. By the end of the evening I promised (again!) that we would have them over very soon.

A few days later, I started getting dinner ready and had the thought that I should call the couple. Our evening was free and what I was about to cook would be totally acceptable for having people over – it wasn’t French cuisine, but it wasn’t frozen waffles either.

The minute I had the thought, however, I started to push it out of my mind. It’s crazy to invite someone so last minute, I thought. What if they’ve already cooked? What if they’re tired but they feel compelled to say yes? What if they’re busy? The list went on and on.

I don’t know where that mental conversation went, but a few minutes later I was talking with one of my boys in the front yard when the couple pulled in from work. Before I knew what I was doing, I called over and asked if they wanted to eat in, oh, about an hour?

We’d love to, was their reply.

I went back inside, shocked by my behavior. Normally dinner company required a good week of fretting on my part. Not this time!

And then I looked around. Not too bad. Dinner was cooking, the house was in pretty good shape. I decided to wipe down the bathroom (one of my daily chores anyway) and it all came together without me breaking a sweat.

The couple came over and we had a really fun time. It was low key, a school night and people had things to do. They stayed for about an hour, helped cleanup after dinner and then headed home to finish their evening. I sat back and thought “now that was fun!”

Too often I talk myself out of hospitality. I think about inviting a family or couple, and then in my mind turn it all into a very big deal. I want everything to be just so, the menu, the home, the behavior of my boys. I’ll look around the house and convince myself that “now” just isn’t a good time to have someone over. “Once we do this project, or get that repainted,” I’ll say, “then conditions will be right.”

But that never comes – that feeling of perfection is unattainable. There is always something else that we can tackle. Paul and I recently hosted a shower for some dear friends and even with a six-month notice I didn’t get everything done on my to-do list! Things aren’t that run down, I’m just always able to find some other project to tackle.

On this recent night, I acted spontaneously and shot from the hip. I took the plunge and invited the couple without fretting about a million little details – and it was every bit as fun as all those times I have invited people over and worked my fingers to the bone in preparation.